We’ve all heard the advice: “just be yourself.” Usually, we’ve found, following this small adage destroys our chances with girls…. Or does it?
See, when most guys hear the words, they think it means “be nice,” or “be polite.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with that – and, in fact, nice guys can finish first (I’ll write about that soon.)
The issue is when you take the rules of society you’ve been taught you whole life and think that they define you. See, the “rules” we’ve been taught since day-one are more guidelines than anything. By definition, GUIDElines try to guide, or lead, us somewhere – so where is that?
The laws by which most live their lives direct them towards a life of self-sacrifice, timidity, discretion, and safety. We’re told that self-actualization – that being the “best you possible” – involves putting others first. We’re taught that offending someone or speaking frankly is in “bad taste” or “rude.”
Yet those who are happiest are always those who are satisfied with themselves – those who seek internally, not externally, for gratification.
So when I tell you: “be yourself,” I do not mean to “go do what society tells you to do;” I mean “go do what makes YOU happy.”
As soon as you put your needs in front of the desires and whims of others all kinds of wonderful things will become possible.
For example, many guys go up to talk to a girl, and, in the interest of not offending her, play it safe. They talk about boring things that stimulate no emotional responses. They put on a filter in an effort to please the girl.
Now, that safe guy may get a girl’s phone number out of pity, or – if she’s drunk enough and he’s cute enough – maybe a kiss. But is that what he WANTS?
No. He wants more than that – he wants a second date or a same-night-lay. So, while an onlooker might say – “Wow, he was himself! He was polite and nice and got her number! What a winner!”
Internally, he has failed. He has fallen short of his goal – which is the mostimportant goal – just to satiate a STRANGER. He owes her nothing, yet he’s given her everything.
Here’s a counter-example: a guy who does only what he wants to do walks up to a girl.
Since his end goal is, in this case, sex, he wastes no time befriending her. Instead, he asserts his role as the man by dictating the interaction and taking responsibility. He understands that he cannot merely entertain her for an hour or two or three and wait for her to spontaneously fuck him. He knows that if he’s going to get what he wants – what they both truly want – he has to be consistent with himself and his manhood.
So, he cut’s the crap and asks her something jarring – something people don’t usually ask – he asks her if she believes in god. Now, right away, she knows this guy is not her regular safe, pretty boy – he’s a man. She knows this for one reason and one reason only: she actually feels something. She actually has an emotion.
She shutters a bit, not knowing what the polite response is. He then tells her to be real with him – knocking down her wall of politeness – yes, both girls and guys have them. At this point, she’s raw, but not in a bad way. In a way that makes her feel like a bird, free from judgment. She is finally able to be herself. And she loves himfor it.
This continues; and as they talk, he gives her more and varying emotions; something no one has done for her since her last boyfriend – the last guy who could make her feel love and hate and envy and fear and excitement and anger all at once.
The last guy she made love to.
And now she’s met another guy who can make her feel, but this time it’s different – it didn’t take days or months or years – it took minutes, seconds even. All because he pursued what he wanted and took down his wall, letting her take down hers.